A Rare Find

As I was walking around our acreage the other day, I made a frightening discovery. An egg at least twice the size of Hy-Vee's stock was cracked open on the ground.

I was pretty curious what type of beast is spawned from such a shell, so I took it home, cleaned it up and started searching for answers.

My caliper registered the egg at 3.27 inches long and 2.46 inches at its widest diameter. After consulting several internet sources, I knew I would have to hunt down the offspring immediately...

It turns out this egg produces the rare species Meleagris gallopavo, commonly known as Wild Turkey Kentucky Bourbon. It is a close cousin to Meleagris intoxicus (Rebel Yell) and a distant uncle to Meleagris sans esophagus (Jim Beam) and Meleagris bulimia (Johnny Walker), all descendents of Meleagris cirrhosis, a.k.a. Jack Daniels.

Extensive research revelas that Wild Turkey is best served with Mr. & Mrs. T Sour Mix or simply "on the rocks" in a sippy cup. Should you ever venture upon this rare game bird, it should be consumed immediately.