So now they tell me...

Many of you out there (including myself) gave one of the main reasons the Democrats are not going to take over congress this year is due to their inability to actually stand for something; that is, besides opposition to conservatives. However, I also believe that when Democrats actually state what they are for they do considerably worse in the polls. Indeed, two emails I received today emphasize this point.

First off, crazy Howard Dean told me what the Democrats stand for. Allow me to translate:

Honest Leadership & Open Government

We will end the Republican culture of corruption and restore a government as good as the people it serves. [We stand for simple opposition]

Real Security & A New Direction in Iraq

We will protect Americans at home and lead the world by telling the truth to our troops, our citizens and our allies, [that we, America, are in fact the evil they need to fight against] and we will heed the advice of our commanders on the ground [which George Bush never does, right?] and force a change in the failed Republican strategy in Iraq [also known as “leave ASAP and let the fledgling Iraqi Democracy die"].

Energy Independence & Lower Gas Prices

We will create a cleaner, greener and stronger America by reducing our dependence on foreign oil, eliminating billions in subsidies for oil and gas companies and developing energy alternatives. [How does this equal lower gas prices? I thought that was all a Bush-Rove conspiracy?]

More Jobs, Better Pay & College Access for Everyone

We will create jobs that stay in America, raise the minimum wage, and open the doors to college for every American. [Higher wages and fewer jobs.]

Healthcare that Works for Everyone & Life-Saving Cures

We will join 36 other industrialized nations in making sure everyone has access to affordable health care, and we will make decisions to invest in stem cell and other medical research based on science, not politics. [Here it really comes out – Democrats stand for the disaster that is socialized healthcare.]

Retirement Security

We will ensure that a retirement with dignity is the right and expectation of every single American, starting with protecting workers' pensions expanding saving incentives and preventing the privatization of social security. [We’d rather see social security go belly-up with a trillion dollar bail-out in five years than ever do what the conservatives want.]

Next I got an email from foot-in-mouth master John Kerry:

Winning means raising the minimum wage. Winning means moving towards health care for all, starting with every child in America. Winning means forcing an end to the disastrous war in Iraq, and getting our heroes home.

Did you get that? It's the same message. And why do they wait until now to tell us their true agenda? A higher minimum wage and fewer jobs and a weaker economy; socialized healthcare directed by government bureaucracy; and cutting and running in Iraq no matter the cost.

I'm surprised they didn't email me that they are going to raise taxes.

So now you know what the Democrats stand for and what they are running on. And that means you now know why not to vote for them.